Thursday, November 11, 2010

Baby Fever

Real, we're not pregnant.

Not that anybody thought we were.

I've been stuggling with contentment. Not in the way that I wish we had a different house or lived in a different place or wish we had more money, but in that I really want a baby. It seems like every other woman I see is pregnant or has a small child. There's got to be something in the water up here. I know right now is definitely not the time to bring a child into the world. For one, we cannot afford it. Two, Ryan is in school and having a baby would mean he would have to take less hours and work more. Three, I really want to be a stay-at-home mom and in our situation, that just would not be possible. Four, we've only been married about 7 months! I'm just now getting used to living with a man so bringing a baby in could be chaotic.

I'm not saying people are wrong for having a baby in the circumstances we are in. I know the Lord would absolutely provide if we were to be blessed with a child. We simply want to be good stewards with what He has given us. First and foremost, we want our children to have a parents who love Jesus and each other deeply. We're trying to figure this whole marriage thing out and we know the best gift we can give to our kids is a loving, gospel-centered marriage. Second, we want to be able to have me stay at home and be the primary care-giver of our children. There's nothing wrong with working moms, but we believe it is best for me to stay home than to pay a stranger to raise them. Third, we would like Ryan to graduate from seminary in a reasonable amount of time. Fourth, we would really like to have a little more financial stability, but ultimately this is up to the Lord and how he chooses to bless us.

I think I'm mostly posting all this as a reminder to myself to wait. Obviously I can't "make a baby" on my own, but I also want my heart in the right place and to not cause my sweet husband grief. Ryan loves children and we want to have a big family, but he is definitely the level-headed one and often has to tell me how impractical it is for us to have kids now and in the next 3-4 years.

The Lord knows my heart. I am excited for the day that He gives us the amazing gift of tending a precious soul. In the meantime, I refuse to let my thoughts dwell on what I don't have. Lord, stir up contentment within me.

Philippians 4:11-13

"...I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me."


  1. Hey!

    So I guess it's a cool thing to have a blog, lol. I looked at Mallory's the other day.

    Baby fever! I was so there not too long ago, like we have talked about. Now I am one of the ones who is pregnant and who are making you have more baby fever!! Honestly, it's really unbelievable to me that I am pregnant, especially being like the first one out of our closest friends here. Very weird for us, and perhaps it will become more real when I begin to actually show!

    We were planning on waiting 3 years, though it was definitely harder for me to be content than Crockett. It may work out that way for you, but God may also have other plans like He did for us =) Either way, His timing is perfect! He will always provide, and sometimes going through times of having nothing, literally, are the times we will learn to rely on Him most. I am having to remind myself of that since I know finances will get so much tighter with a baby. It may get to the point where we have to rely on Him daily to send financial provision. I pray He will give us the strength to trust Him and not doubt and stress and such.

    I love that you are striving for contentment. I know how hard it was for me when I was at this point. As soon as our baby gets here, we will be sure to give you plenty of baby time! It will be wonderful to have friends who are strong believers to help us raise our child in the family of God.

    Praying for you!

  2. Thanks for your encouraging words Kara! We're so excited for you and Crocket and about your little guy (or girl. We can't wait to see him (or her)!